Growth Hurts (But It’s Worth It): Lessons From Unexpected Feedback

Recently, I had an interview that gave me feedback I didn’t expect — and it turned into one of the best learning moments of my career.

During the conversation, I asked a question based on the information shared:

“Given the data, why continue investing in a product that appears to be on a deprecation path rather than focusing on newer initiatives?”

I asked it thoughtfully, even prefacing that I was basing my perspective on just a few seconds of information. In my mind, I was demonstrating critical thinking, curiosity, and a desire to understand the bigger picture.

After the interview, I received feedback that I had come across as strong, challenging, and opinionated — asking questions without first deeply understanding the context behind the decisions.

At first, I was surprised. I never intended to challenge the interviewers or their strategies. I thought I was engaging thoughtfully.
But as I sat with the feedback, I realized: it wasn’t just about what I asked — it was about how I asked it.

What I Learned

Here are some of the reflections and lessons I took away:

• Curiosity is powerful — but framing is everything.
  Asking good questions is important. But in high-stakes conversations, it’s crucial to show that your goal is to learn, not to judge.

• Assume positive intent out loud.
  Saying something like, “I imagine there’s important context here I might be missing — could you help me understand?” creates a collaborative dynamic, not a confrontational one.

• Acknowledge your limited view — and invite their expertise.
  Even if you already mention you have limited data, framing your questions as an invitation (“I’m eager to understand more”) softens the tone and opens dialogue.

• Tone, pace, and body language matter.
  Even well-intentioned questions can sound sharper if your tone is brisk or your posture is too assertive. Slowing down and softening delivery can make a big difference.

• Feedback is a gift, not a judgment.
  It’s not a failure to get feedback like this — it’s a sign of growth. The fact that someone was willing to tell me meant they saw potential worth investing in.

What I’m Doing Differently

Since then, I’ve been more mindful of how I frame critical questions.
I’m using quick mental checks before asking something challenging:

• Am I leading with curiosity, not critique?
• Am I inviting the other person to share, rather than making them defend?

I’m also exploring tools like real-time meeting coaches that help track tone and pacing, to stay aware of how I come across in conversations.

Final Thoughts

Interviews aren’t just about showcasing your technical skills or strategic thinking.
They’re also about demonstrating how you engage with uncertainty, disagreement, and incomplete information — with empathy, humility, and collaboration.

I’m grateful for this experience because it reminded me that how we communicate is just as important as what we communicate.
And that growth often comes from the moments we least expect.